Critique my song!!! (please)

dogwhisperer · Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 11:51 pm Post subject: Critique my song!!! (please)

Hi everybody...haven't been on here for like ages!!! Last time I was one here I was going to paste up a couple of songs for critique, however I didn't quite get around to it. Any ways, below is one of my later songs...say anything you like! Find all the bad spots at least Wink

Thanks!!!

The longest prayer
I think I’ve just prayed the longest prayer in my life.
Lately my greatest efforts were to get into strife.
I couldn’t help feeling like my life was a waste.
Now I can’t help feeling a new level of faith.
I think I’ve just prayed the longest prayer in my life.
I’ve been worrying to much, will I be a great wife.
Will I get married and I wonder to whom.
Will I get life handed on a silver spoon.
Why can’t I pray, my mind just goes a blur
Why can’t I fast, my stomach wants to stir.
Why should I have to suffer, God loves me right?
My flesh wants to run and I don’t want to fight.
I made a vow today to miss a few meals.
I’ll pray and I’ll sing; now I’m on wheels!
I think I’ve just prayed the longest prayer in my life.
I need you to come in with your big holy knife.
Cut out the rubbish, I need a new start.
Then please give me a brand new heart.
Thank you Jesus, even though this ain’t fun,
It’s all for my best, I’ll feel great when you’re done!
Melissa Bruce

markm2553 · Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2004 3:59 am Post subject:

I like it, Hits close to home...

PunkStar · Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2004 3:17 pm Post subject:

It's always hard to critique a song when you don't know how it is sung. But I've got a question about it.

Do you just sing the song straight like it is written there? Or do you give the song some structure. Like a verse then chorus then another verse kinda structure?

I reckon the song could benefit from being broken up like that. When I write songs; I like to have a chorus, which gets sung a couple of times in the song. And some verses, which just give extra information about the song and what it is saying. I also like to put a guitar solo in, I think it just adds to the song, it just gives a break-up from all the singing and just lets people hook into the vibe of the song. As well as an intro and outro, but I assume you already have those.

But they lyrics are good. I'd go with them. But I think they need breaking up a bit to give the song a bit of structure rather than just sung straight through. Pick out the main thought of the song and use that as a chorus. Then use the other parts as verses to add more information to the chorus.

dogwhisperer · Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2004 11:32 pm Post subject:

thanks, I've been thinking about that already. I'm kind of building on this song, and as I am self taught in my guitar I'm still feeling my way here (with the melody / intro outro)

tommyd · Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 10:22 am Post subject:

The lyrics are awesome. They are awesome.

The Punk has some good comments about structure. I would only add that most songs have a "bridge"... something in the middle that's not like the rest of the song, and then finish up with another chorus.

Or you could just do it your own way. Not all songs have the "standard" structure or even close to it. Especially these days, you can get away with almost anything.

PunkStar · Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 2:35 pm Post subject:

Yeah, I was thinking about mentioning a bridge. But I wasn't quite sure how to define one. Well put mate. But I've also seen bridges put between the verse and chorus. They are a very good technique.

You're very right. There is no standard structure to a song. You can use all the elements we mentioned. Or only a few of them. Or maybe none at all. I believe you have to structure the song so it works. It's the songwriter's task to find that structure. Good luck with it dogwhisperer!

dogwhisperer · Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2004 6:28 am Post subject: Thanks

Thanks again everybody...I'll try and put it up shortly after it has had some surgery Laughing

am adding a really cool chorus and slighly shortening it to a more concentrated form.