Also need some input

hildy · Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2003 6:59 am Post subject: Also need some input

This is not about guitars or the Bible [per se], although your responses may be based on the bible.

I'm christian, but my boyfriend isn't, and there's no hope of him ever becoming a christian [At least it seems that way to me right now].

If we have children, he thinks that we'll both inform them of our individual beliefs, with neither one of us being incorrect.

Is this issue a deal breaker? Or am I merely making a mountain out of a molehill?

thanks.

hildy · Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2003 7:04 am Post subject:

If this is not the forum to ask "relationship" questions, I apolgozie in advance. I just need other christian opinions on this subject and stumbled upon this site.

Bates15 · Moderator Joined: 19 Feb 2002 Posts: 1084

No problem at all. I have seen a lot of relationships go sour on belief in our church. Some of the men in the rehab get saved and there wives dont want anything to do with it. I guess you will have to keep on praying and keep on living the life. That is the best way to show anybody what a christian is. Also dont sto ptalking. If you stop talking you loose the edge. Most relationships end when the talking stops.

And if it is any good for you. My father in law died at 72. Never wanted anything to do with God or christianity. Then, days before he died he accepted Christ as his saviour. The party was on in heaven and my wife and here mother are so glad he eventually did that. We know we will meet someday, and i know he was at peace when he died.

reading your post again i see you are not married yet. Then I would give him the choice. Its not worth all the stuggle if he doesnt want to change. Talk to your sheapard, your pastor. See what he has to say. I know what mine would say.....

You are in our prayers, be blessed and listen to the voice of God.

hildy · Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2003 11:27 am Post subject:

Thanks Nate for taking the time to reply to my post and offering sound advice.

I know in reality that if I tell him he has to choose he will choose to break up with me. He doesn't believe in christianity at all. I always thought that somehow his beliefs would change over the years [4 years], I would have some sort of influence, maybe open his eyes a little.

But his beliefs [or lack thereof] haven't changed at all.

And now that we're getting closer to tying the knot [at least as close as we've ever been], I'm not sure if it would be a mistake to marry someone who doesn't share the same beliefs when it comes to Jesus. As strange as it sounds [and as stupid] I just never thought it would be an issue for us.

Thanks again.

Zathrus · Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2003 2:01 pm Post subject:

That's a very difficult situation in life to find oneself in. I've been in really wonderful relationships with nice Christian girls that ended because our views on matters of scripture were different. But I was in love with her and really wanted to find some way to make it work. It would be really hard with someone who was not a believer at all.

In the long run, one or both of you may become dissatisfied with the relationship because you're not getting what you need out of it. The closeness won't be there because there is an area of your life that is very important to you that you'll be unable to share with the one you love. That can be very frustrating and make you feel very unfulfilled.

I know that you really want it to work. I've been there, or at least something similar. Give it a lot of thought before making a major decision.

ACfixer · Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2003 10:15 pm Post subject:

Hildy, I know you love your boyfriend... but please let me refer you to this passage of scripture...

Luke 18: 18-29 says: 18A certain ruler asked him, "Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
19"Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good--except God alone. 20You know the commandments: 'Do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother.'[2] " 21"All these I have kept since I was a boy," he said.
22When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."
23When he heard this, he became very sad, because he was a man of great wealth. 24Jesus looked at him and said, "How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God! 25Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." 26Those who heard this asked, "Who then can be saved?"
27Jesus replied, "What is impossible with men is possible with God."
28Peter said to him, "We have left all we had to follow you!"
29"I tell you the truth," Jesus said to them, "no one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God 30will fail to receive many times as much in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life."

I bring this up because Jesus asks us to follow Him and by doing so we are to be willing to leave anything and/or everything behind that does not glorify Him. If you feel there is no hope in Him becoming a Chrisitan, since you are not married I would have to advise you to break it off. You cannot simply say "you become a Chrisitian or I am leaving..." because Jesus wants us to come to Him for forgiveness of sins, not to barter for a boyfriend. Any conversion he makes to keep you would be by the wrong motive and very likely not genuine. I really think it's best we date only Christians and as far as marriage goes it is a must. If we are saved we are NOT to yoke ourselves with an unbeliever! God does NOT want you to raise your kids in ANY OTHER way than to love and accept Jesus as their saviour, it's WAY too important that we do so. I hate to be so blunt but I think it's best in this situation, the scripture is clear. I would break it off, if he get's saved I would watch him for a year before considering taking him back. Make sure in this case that his words are backed by the way he lives

Pray ALOT Hildy, read your Bible and pray some more. It will be clear to you what to do.

God bless you, and I pray for your boyfriends salvation.

Lance

hildy · Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2003 6:35 am Post subject:

Thanks guys for both of your responses. I really, really appreciate you taking the time to answer my question(s) honestly.

Now I'm gonna ask a rather mean question because I'm upset that I have to deal with this issue in my life:

WHY would God bring this person into my life if he didn't want me to be with him? Why did everything work out the way that it did?

It just seems crazy to me on an off day.

Thanks again.

Bates15 · Moderator Joined: 19 Feb 2002 Posts: 1084

hmmmm, now you are asking me to tell you what Gods mind is. I dont believe anyone of us are in that posistion. I do know God gives us tests and trials in life. Why would Paul be in prison, getting beated up? I know he came out a victor and Gods name was praised after he got set free. Why would God let the devil have a ball on Jobs life? He had done nothing wrong. I know God and Jog came out a victor after the trial. You should not want to know what is after the trial, you should deal with the problem and then let God be the victor in your life, so you can become victorious....

Were are you from, you seem to reply about GMT.... I am from Amsterdam.

Take care.

hildy · Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2003 8:01 am Post subject:

Hi Nate,

I do realize the question is unfair and should not be asked.

Thank you for responding though.

You make a good point.

I guess the fact that I'm not a "great" christian plays into the whole problem. For example, If I was such a good christian I would not have pursued this relationship. Or stayed in it for 4 years. I would not have allowed myself to become romatically attached to someone who didn't believe in Jesus, right?

My only defense is that I really did think he would eventually come around to at least considering Jesus as saviour. Also, as ridiculous as this sounds, I didn't think his not being christian would be a big deal. Somehow, by some act of God, things would just work out.

But now I find myself here, 4 to 5 years later, not sure what to do. I mean, I don't live the rest of my life following all of Jesus' teachings. I work everyday to MAKE money, not to give it away. I haven't left my family, friends, or co-workers and taken to the road to preach the Bible.

I work on a magazine that teaches people how to save their money for retirement. SAVE THEIR MONEY--not give it away. We don't discuss their riches in heaven, we talk about how important it is to save for the future on earth.

Sorry to go off like that. It's just confusing.

Thanks again Nate. I'm really from the East Coast. not the West, which is my standard response. Amsterdam seems like a great place!!

Bates15 · Moderator Joined: 19 Feb 2002 Posts: 1084

Wow, you go deep sis. You claim not to be a great Christian..... Why? Do you see yourself as 'not good enough' for God. How could that happen? Dont let the devil lie to you....

I know enough people that wouldnt even bother asking, let alone consider changing there lifestyle. I admire your will to change. You have touched me already, just by asking....

Trying to get your relationship on the road is the most normal thing in a relationship, this does by no means make you a lesser christian.

Jesus himself was a carpenter. Working was what he did. If they filled the bible with everything Jesus did when he was on earth they stil would be writing...... Working is very normal, even for Jesus.

Saving money is a smart thing to do also. I cant belive you think you are less becouse you save money, or you help people saving money..... (do you teach international? I have a big problem there..... Smile

)

Hildy, you are blessed with a sound mind. A mind of your own and the liberty and freedom to seek God. I suggest you let your mind rest and let God minister to you, seek God's voice. Please read the word of God. That is the voice of God, and please stop blaming yourself. It is not worth it.

Take care

ACfixer · Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2003 2:26 pm Post subject:

God says we are to provide for our family first and foremost, one that does not take care of their family is worse than an unbeliever (God said it!). We are also to be good stewards with our money, that means we are to invest wisely where we can reap a return. Personally I feel we are to give 10% to God through a church or missionary and from the rest we are to save to take care of our family. When that is satisfactory we are in a good place to start giving our money away as prayer would lead. If I just gave my money away I would look like a blooming idiot and not a very good representative because my bills would go unpaid and debts would pile up.

Hildy, we take the Gospel message as a whole, a sum of all the parts rather than take a verse or idea by itself. When we do that we are taking things into our own hands!

I might remind you, we have an enemy that wants you and I dead. He has lost you but if he can work through you to kill the spiritual future of others he by all means will. Satan puts people in our lives, people that seem nice but can pose a grave danger to the spirit. If it DOES NOT line up with scripture it is NOT of God. God cannot and will not lie and his word is clear on most things. We are not to marry unbelievers. If you love the man, witness to him and pray for him without ceasing.

None of us live our lives 100% according to scripture. Only Jesus was able to do that. We are to try and come close but since we have already sinned we all fall short of His example. The fact you let this stuff gnaw at you and seek counsel means to me that your faith is genuine and the Holy Spirit is working things out. Hang on, pray and hang on! It may well be that your boyfriend will get saved, or maybe not, but it will likely be a wild emotional ride in the meantime. Remember that God NEVER allows us to be tempted beyond our own ability to resist.

God bless you Hildy!
Lance

hildy · Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2003 4:57 am Post subject:

Nate and Lance, thank you again so much for taking the time to respond to my post and offering such wonderful wisdom and advice. It's so nice to know that people like the both of you exist in this world.

I'm going to re-read your posts after work today when I can really sit down and absorb your words. Right now I'm at work making money!
So I can't really respond.

Thank you both for your help. I'll be back Smile

Bates15 · Moderator Joined: 19 Feb 2002 Posts: 1084

No problem. Take care during the day.

ACfixer · Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2003 5:12 pm Post subject:

Anytime Hildy, I hope I didn't come off as harsh. Sometimes with subject matter like this, we humans fall way short of the perfect answer which is why I always just try to let the Lord lead me.

Hope to "see" you around Smile

Lance

hildy · Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2003 8:04 am Post subject:

Thanks guys.

Ummm, how do you let the Lord lead you? I really don't understand how that works. If I did, I probably wouldn't be so confused.

What if I think it's the Lord leading me, but in reality it's not the Lord. How can you tell the difference?

And, are the both of you saying that it's not a good idea to marry an unbeliever? Or that it's really bad to marry an unbeliever?

lots of questions.